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A little earlier tonight I talked to a spanko sub I am acquainted with. This was a talk I’ve had too many times over the years and I am hoping that maybe some “house cleaning” may come of this post.
She just got out of a relationship with an abuser. DD was her idea, and he took it as permission to use her as a punching bag. Ladies, DD is about a Top helping you be the best person you can possibly be. The irony that the vanillas that accuse of us of justifying domestic violence through DD don’t get is that the spankings, when used properly, are a tool we use to empower you. A sub should never fear her Top, nor should she be punished for requesting a basic human need.
Ladies, if you’re in a DD relationship where your limits are not being respected, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and you have a general fear of your Top; a fear he justifies by saying “you asked for this,” then get out. That’s not DD. Too often, young spanko subs mistake an aggressive abuser for a dominant Top. There is a major difference.
Keep a safety network around you, never let a “top” isolate you from family or friends and remember that even if he is the authority figure his authority is exercised in a mutually agreed upon framework. Even if part of that framework includes pushing limits at times (which is fine when done properly), everything needs to be Safe, Sane and Consensual. If you ever had the thought go through your mind “This isn’t what I wanted,” and he won’t listen to you when you try to define the limits, then you are more likely than not to be outside of the realm of SSC.
Ladies, if you’re in a DD relationship where your limits are not being respected, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and you have a general fear of your Top; a fear he justifies by saying “you asked for this,” then get out. That’s not DD. Too often, young spanko subs mistake an aggressive abuser for a dominant Top. There is a major difference.
Keep a safety network around you, never let a “top” isolate you from family or friends and remember that even if he is the authority figure his authority is exercised in a mutually agreed upon framework. Even if part of that framework includes pushing limits at times (which is fine when done properly), everything needs to be Safe, Sane and Consensual. If you ever had the thought go through your mind “This isn’t what I wanted,” and he won’t listen to you when you try to define the limits, then you are more likely than not to be outside of the realm of SSC.
