Guidelines for safely meeting

Here is a guideline of practices for safely meeting others for anyone who wants it. These are just guidelines, not iron-clad rules. Some of the language in this may be dated, but the whole aim is to keep everything safe, sane and consensual so please read and comment.

1) Before meeting anyone, communication is critical. Make sure you want the same things. This kink has many flavors to it. Some are sexual spankos; some are disciplinary spankos. Some like role-play scenarios while others don’t. Some are seeking a dating relationship; some are just seeking a purely non-sexual disciplinary arrangement. Make certain you and the other person are seeking compatible things. Spend time getting to know the other person as best you can before arranging a meeting. Some people can put up a bold façade for short periods of time, but over the course of a couple of weeks, the façade can come apart. Back off if they become possessive, jealous, aggressive, telling other people you are a “couple” or start calling you at your job even though you never gave them the phone number. If the other person is local and is pressuring for a meeting TODAY or TOMORROW, back away. If there is real chemistry and a real basis for things to progress, it will still be there in two or three weeks.

2) Arrange to meet in a public place. Starbucks, a diner or an upscale bookstore with a coffee bar will do. Avoid places that serve alcohol for a first meeting. Alcohol consumption and meeting another spanko for the first time are an inadvisable combination. Make certain expectations are set that this is just “meet & greet” and no actual spanking action is promised. Be sure to provide your own transportation.

3) Arrange to have a “safe person” in the loop prior to meeting. A safe person can be anybody you know and trust. A family member, a vanilla friend, or even someone from one of these websites can be a safe person. The safe person will need to know who you will be meeting, where you will be meeting them and when you will be meeting them. The safe person should call 15 – 20 minutes after the meeting starts.

If the meeting is going well, some guarded words can be used to let the safe person know all is well. If the meeting isn’t going well, and you want out, the call from the safe person could be used as an excuse (“That was my [fill in this blank], there’s an emergency, I have to go”) for you to get out with as little hassle as possible.

Additional follow-up calls with the safe person can be arranged. How far you wish to go with it depends on you and what makes you feel safe.

If the safe person is someone local, he or she can even arrive at the site of the meeting 20 minutes early, just to be on hand. If the safe person is at the location of the meeting, and you want an out, just use a gesture like flicking the back of one ear with a finger (claim it’s a nervous habit if its questioned) and once this is seen, the safe person will call your cell phone and give you an excuse to leave. For having a safe person on premises, they will need to be within line of sight, but outside of earshot. And they will need to act casual and not stare directly at the two of you. Instead he or she should steal glances in your direction, so if the gesture isn’t seen the first, second or sixth time, just keep at it. Eventually the safe person will pick up on it.

Agree in advance with your safe person on how much time they should wait before calling the police if communication should break down entirely. Make certain your cell phone is fully charged in advanced and turned on.

4) Okay, the meeting went really well and you really want to go and do some spanking with this person. It’s usually best to meet 2 or 3 times prior to playing, but if you feel confident after the first meeting then that is your call. Remember that just because things went well at Starbucks, doesn’t mean everything will go well once you go somewhere with this person. Call your safe person and let him or her know what you’re doing and where you’re going and how long you expect to be. Excuse yourself to the bathroom if you need to. Arrange timeframes for any follow-up calls with your safe person. If everything goes well, the safe person will be called again when you’re through and on your way home.

If the safe person is there with you, you can call their cell phone from your own from the bathroom or your car.

5) Be watchful to make sure no “hidden cam” spanking vids appear on the internet against your wishes. Once those pictures and vids appear online, they never leave. Don’t let anyone pressure you into it or allow them an opportunity to do it without your knowledge and consent. If you are in your own home for the spanking play, ask the other person to leave their cell phone on the coffee table or something similar. If you go to their place, make sure both cell phones are left in a different room from where the spanking happens. Don’t play in the room where a computer or laptop is present. Many newer models have webcams built right in and could be running without your knowledge. Check the room carefully for video cameras and don’t play in a room that has one in evidence. Even if the camera shows as “off,” that means nothing. Someone who knows a little bit about electronics can rig the wires so that cameras appear to be off, even if they are not. Just keep your wits about you.

6) Use common sense and listen to your inner voice throughout this entire process. Never let anyone pressure you into anything. Keep everything safe, sane and consensual and don’t be afraid to back out if something isn’t going well. Most people are perfectly safe to meet with, and there have been many success stories over the years, but it’s best to protect yourself until you know the other person is sane and stable.