Stress relief spanking – What’s in it for the spanker?

This blog post stems from a recent discussion I had with a bottom. She enjoys her stress relief spanking sessions immensely, and out of the blue recently she asked me “But what’s in it for you?”

The short answer is “The same as what’s in it for you – stress relief.” But there is a longer answer as well.

That longer answer is that I simply enjoy spanking women. For me it’s often, but not always outside the box of sexuality. I find the act of spanking a woman’s bottom to be very relaxing, very pleasant and yes, a whole lot of fun! The fact that the woman is enjoying it as much as I am makes it extremely rewarding.

I don’t think I could spank a woman who doesn’t want to be spanked. Being “out” I have had many experiences over the years with thrill seekers who wanted to try it and see what it was all about. But the thing is, I don’t really get into it as much with a thrill seeker as I do with a true spanko. There’s always the chance I’ll unleash a closet spanko in those situations, but in this age of experimentation with alternate lifestyles I know that the odds are not always favourable. Over the years I think I’ve only found I had one closet spanko over my lap in that situation, and the rest were, well…thrill seekers.

Also, with a thrill seeker there’s a lot of time and effort spent making sure she’s okay and tolerating it well; that I’m not doing any real harm and that she’s not about to freak out and call the cops. Spanking a thrill seeker is a fun distraction at times, but it’s not the same as being with a true spanko. Sure, the thrill seekers consent to it, but not the same as doing it with someone who honestly enjoys it.

During a stress relief session with a true spanko, we can try different things. Be it different implements, different spanking techniques, or just using those all too fun “discipline dice” that Cane-Iac sells to lighten the mood.

But stress relief spankings are not just about spanking someone. It’s about good conversation, lots of laughs and just relaxing and being social with a person whose company you enjoy. The fact that we share this wonderfully twisted spanking thing just strengthens the bonds between us.

When it comes to stress relief spanking, the Top and the bottom are in it together. We really are achieving the same goal when we proceed with these sessions. It’s mutual relaxation, mutual enjoyment and mutual rewards. And in the end, both parties feel less stressed. And that’s what’s “in it for me.”

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Barefoot spanking?

Isn’t it funny how spankos who ask their spankees to go barefoot always seem to feel the need to stress that “I’m not a foot fetishist, mind you, I just like barefoot spanking for some reason.”

What is the reason, and why do we feel the need to apologize for this? I mean a spankee bares her bottom and shows quite a bit more of herself to us in the process. Yet…we apologize for asking them to take off their shoes. It’s kind of funny when you stop to think about it.

So why do we do it? In my case, I’ve had way too many mishaps with feminine footwear over the years. If I look at a spanking picture or a video of a woman being spanked while wearing a pair of spiked heels the only thought that goes through my head is “If she kicks one of those loose, that guy will have a permanent dent in his forehead…” There is a real safety issue at work in my mind regarding this. Oh sure, a pair of tight fitting sneakers or thigh high boots probably pose no risk in real life play, but still…

In real life play I once had a subbie kick off a sock during a spanking that landed right in my mouth. Yeah, I know, some guys would pay real money for that…but I’m not one of them. A full bottle of Listerine later and I still couldn’t get that taste out of my mouth. Yuck!

I really can’t speak to the psychological aspect that being barefoot holds for a sub. If any readers would care to chime in on that topic, please do.

From my perspective, I will note that there does give an extra feeling of submission to seeing a barefoot lady before you about to be lectured, bared and spanked. There’s something about seeing the actual flesh of the feet as they shuffle them and even wiggle their toes uncomfortably while being lectured that seems to hit a sweet spot for me. During a spanking there’s also a visual appeal to seeing the feet and toes flying around along with the rest of the legs. This was something I really only came to appreciate after the aforementioned mishaps with feminine footwear. I never gave it much thought prior to that, and frankly, outside of a spanking scenario I have no interest in a woman’s feet.

So ladies, I’m not a foot fetishist, mind you, I just like barefoot spanking for some reason…

Product Review of Kitty's Exotic Paddles

Having been a spanko for 20 something years I have bought a large number of spanking implements over time. One thing I learned very early on is that there are a lot of big money fakers out there. Years ago it was pretty common to buy a “REAL WOOD!” spanking paddle that was being marketed on some website or in a mail order catalog that was obtained from an ad in the back pages of Nugget magazine (anyone remember them?). When the paddle arrived, it quickly became apparent that the paddle was nothing more than a piece of pressboard that had some kind of wood grain veneer appliqué glued to the surface. These paddles had a lifespan of maybe 40 or 50 swats during a play session. All this for $89.99 USD!

It was for this very reason that mom & pop shops sprang up on the web in the 90’s and 00’s and began to displace the big money fakers. One of the paddle vendors whose name often comes up is Kitty of Kitty’s Exotic Paddles. Kitty makes handmade paddles from a variety of exotic woods, which she sells directly over the web. Prices range from $35.00 to $120.00 USD with most paddles running about $45.00 or $50.00 USD. Kitty emphasizes that her merchandise is all hand made.

For those of you who are saying, “Yeah, right, I’ve heard that one before!” all I can say is this; I’m one of the most cynical S.O.B.’s you could ever hope to meet, which I am told is part of my charm. J That said, I ordered 3 paddles from Kitty – a Flapjack, a Lil-Monster and a Stringman – really not knowing what to expect. Kitty worked with me on the order and I found her communication and service to be excellent. When the paddles arrived, I opened the package expecting the worst and hoping for the best; I always do that. I think all the old-timers who got royally ripped off in the ‘80’s and 90’s do.

What I found inside the package left me standing slack jawed. The paddles were solid wood; there was no question of that. The woods themselves held natural grain patterns and were highly polished. Although I don’t do woodworking myself, I know people who do and I’ve watched them work. The sanding and the cut outs were done by a master craftsperson. By all appearances, these were legitimate.

While I’ve never done woodworking, I have worked on a lot of cars over the years, so my ears are tuned to find flaws through sound. Holding my left hand to my left ear I used my right hand to test the paddles on my open left palm. I was listening for hollow sounds and indications of weak spots or possible fracture points. The result of this test was nothing but a sore left hand. There were all of zero flaws with wood. No hollowing or evidence of putty filler; no fracture points, nothing. Oh, and did I mention the weighting and balance of the paddles was as near perfect as is humanly possible?

Any old-timers who might have read the product reviews I posted on my old website back in the day know that I always, and I mean ALWAYS, find something for a vendor to go over and review with their product; something to improve, some form of constructive criticism or feedback to offer. We have now come to that part of the review. Kitty left me with an empty tank here. I got nothin’ for this part of the product review. It’s not because I came up short in going over her product; it’s because the vendor went the full mile and then some. So, yeah, keep moving, people, nothing to see in this section…

Kitty’s product costs more, but is worth every penny. I even went back and bought some more paddles from her and I did so with no qualms, concerns or mental notes to myself to “check on [fill in the blank] when the package arrives.” Kitty is the real deal. That’s why vendors such as Punished Brats and Real Spankings feature her paddles when doing shoots with professional models.

For more info, please visit her site: http://kittysexoticpaddles.com/

Antique paddle for a wealthy spanko!

Well, in the course of perusing various websites dealing in antiques, I stumbled across this little item: http://douglasrosin.com/store/furniture_item_detail.php?id=388343

The good news is that it makes us "mainstream" for an antique house to be dealing in spanking paddles from the 1850's. The bad news is that at that price, even if I bought it; I'd be afraid to use it!

Safe, Sane Consensual, or Domestic Violence?

A little earlier tonight I talked to a spanko sub I am acquainted with. This was a talk I’ve had too many times over the years and I am hoping that maybe some “house cleaning” may come of this post.

She just got out of a relationship with an abuser. DD was her idea, and he took it as permission to use her as a punching bag. Ladies, DD is about a Top helping you be the best person you can possibly be. The irony that the vanillas that accuse of us of justifying domestic violence through DD don’t get is that the spankings, when used properly, are a tool we use to empower you. A sub should never fear her Top, nor should she be punished for requesting a basic human need.

Ladies, if you’re in a DD relationship where your limits are not being respected, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and you have a general fear of your Top; a fear he justifies by saying “you asked for this,” then get out. That’s not DD. Too often, young spanko subs mistake an aggressive abuser for a dominant Top. There is a major difference.

Keep a safety network around you, never let a “top” isolate you from family or friends and remember that even if he is the authority figure his authority is exercised in a mutually agreed upon framework. Even if part of that framework includes pushing limits at times (which is fine when done properly), everything needs to be Safe, Sane and Consensual. If you ever had the thought go through your mind “This isn’t what I wanted,” and he won’t listen to you when you try to define the limits, then you are more likely than not to be outside of the realm of SSC.